Trust is the most fundamental requirement of a relationship. Once you have lost it, you are pretty much Bus fodder unless there is a monumental shift in attitudes, a whole lot of therapy and the initial problem is addressed seriously. It is hard work, and unless you have a really, really good reason to try, and you BOTH want to try, I wouldn't recommend it. So...if you start out with trust issues...well, it isn't good.
Passenger Ten was a whirlwind romance. An old fashioned, see each other across a crowded room, can't take your eyes off each other, passionate affair. And sadly, it was an affair, though I didn't know it at the time.
Now, if you follow The Bus of Doom then you know I have been burnt this way before, so you can imagine I am pretty careful about this kind of thing now. When we met, his brother told my friends that he was still with his girlfriend (and mother of his young daughter), so I was extremely cautious.
1. I confronted him - are you? No! Why would he say that? Jealousy issues and too much to drink.
2. I asked his best friend - are they still together? Because if they are you MUST tell me, I have a child, he has a child, it's a serious thing - No, not still together.
It makes me feel better that he convinced not only me, but all my friends, that what his brother said was all a lie. And when I found out? I told him to sod off. Bus fodder...However, he confessed all...to me, to her, to his family. He left her with no expectation of us being together and... I fell for it.
I tried to resurrect a Passenger...but as we all know, there are no survivors.
Our trust was shot from day dot. I didn't completely trust him, after all we started out on a pretty major lie, and he didn't trust me, after all, if he was a liar, maybe I was too.
At first it can be flattering to have a man jealous of you. He must really care if he is worried about other guys, right? He must think you are really worth something. However, after a short period what it comes down to is not that he thinks you are amazing, but that he doesn't think you are trustworthy. In this case it started with being uncomfortable about me talking to an ex (fair enough), then of me talking to men I had just met (even though he was right next to me), he then upped the ante to male friends I had known for ages, and finally settled on being jealous of me saying "how you doing?" to male friends I passed on the street.
This led to some disturbing side issues such as
Testing - I'm going to move to WA to get away from it all - just to see if this would upset me. If I was not sufficiently upset it meant I didn't really love him.
Checking up - So, what you been up to today? Out with friends? Any of them men? - While he didn't actually SAY if there were men he would be upset, it was implied.
More Testing - I want you to come and see me RIGHT NOW because I love you, if you don't come RIGHT NOW no matter how inconvenient, then you don't love me.
Isolation - We should move in together RIGHT NOW because if you love me you will want to, and we should move to where I am despite it being inconvenient so we can make a fresh start together. OK, so it's where all MY friends and family are and NONE of your friends and family, but it is important that we get you away from all those people so we can focus on US.
And the last step
Jealousy of the past - I want to be your daughter's Dad (well you can't be so get over it). I don't want you to ever mention that you had previous partners in any context and all contact (other than hand overs) with your ex must cease.
Now the hardest part of all this is that it is easy when writing this down to see what an awful situation I was in. But at the time it doesn't seem that way at all. There were romantic dinners, there was loads of attention and affection. There was flattery and charm and a willingness to give me gifts, do chores around the house and look after me. I had NEVER had ANYONE be so sweet to me. He would ring me every day and text me 20 times a day, he would never think it was weird for me to call him, he would never NOT want to see me. He was polite and played with my child in an unselfconscious way. He was PERFECT except for the small COMPLETE INABILITY TO TRUST issue.
So, what happened next?
He left me. And that was the most surprising thing of all. We went on a holiday together, arrived at our destination and then he dumped me. Why? Because he was too jealous of my past, my present and possibly my future. He simply could not cope with not being the only person I had ever known or cared about and so he left. In the end he returned to the partner he had cheated on to be with me, because she had his child. He returned to her not because he loved HER but because in his child was everything that he could not find in a woman. Here was a person who had never loved anyone but him. He was the centre of her world and, for now, he could be confident that she would not want anyone more than him. He even worked hard to be more loved than her mother, because that is how he needed it to be.
For a while after the break up he could not stop himself from calling to make sure I was still single, because the idea that I might not still love him was too much for him, but I told him I did not want ANY contact as he was rebuilding a relationship with someone else and being untrustworthy himself would not help that. And now...well what a blessing it was that he went.
And from this Passenger I learned something that none of the others had taught me...there are men out there who, for whatever reason, will LIKE it when you call them and not think it is needy if you say you miss them, there are men who will take you out and tell you that you are beautiful. They will be interested in what you have to say, and will spend time doing things for you because they want you to admire them and they want to make you happy. They will want to call you their girlfriend and will be proud to have you on their arm. You will not have to rack your brain trying to figure out what to say or trying to figure out what you did wrong. It was a revelation and it gave me a standard to work from.
And this leads us to Passenger Eleven, who doesn't exist, because I finally found a man who is everything I was looking for and a bit more, and I have all the lessons of the past to help me know what I DON'T want in a man.
So, darling readers, if you recognise your partner in any of these Passengers - put them on The Bus sooner rather than later, there is plenty of room to spare, and go look for someone new, because he may be the next one to come along. And once he is on The Bus, leave him there - there are NO survivors - and give the next guy a genuine chance. If you aren't ready for that, then you are just Bus fodder yourself.
Don't dispair, I may be out of Passengers to write about, but I still have things to say about the lessons I have learned. And please feel free to pass on stories about your Passengers. Your lesson learned may help someone else.
Sunday, 10 July 2011
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
Passenger Nine - Casanova Tom Cat
Graffiti in public toilets used to serve a useful purpose. When you moved to a new town you could go for a quick wee and find out a concise run down of who was a good root, who was a bad root and who should be avoided. It's a damned shame that this service is now so lacking. I suggest we re-instate this tradition. If it were still in place, I would not have slept with Passenger Nine. All the local women know, of course, because they have all slept with him too...but was there some kind of written warning? No. And men like this take advantage of the lack of toilet graffiti, and who can blame them?
It's true, some of the local men tried to warn me, but sadly, it was the very same men who were hitting on me and failing so how could I believe them? Especially when he swore blind he was not like that (and who wants to believe negative things about someone who is good in bed? Really?)
And as he said - he REALLY liked me, REALLY...he just didn't feel comfortable with public displays of affection (around other women he might want to sleep with) or being in phone contact during the week, after all he was a busy, busy man (busy with other women) and he didn't feel right putting a name on it like girlfriend / boyfriend, we were just getting to know each other, but he wasn't sleeping "with any other woman" (Nope, he was sleeping with many other WOMEN). Turn up somewhere just because he said he would see me there? That was asking a bit much wasn't it? Turning up with another woman to a date? Why not? After all, we weren't a COUPLE. Besides, he hadn't chosen her over me. Yeah, she was his GIRLFRIEND, but that didn't mean he preferred her to me...or any of the others...
Starting to get the picture? Time to go on The Bus, sunshine. And any ladies considering moving to Daylesford, please PM me for your own personal "public toilet" warning.
The follow up?
I have spoken with numerous women who have slept with / are sleeping with Casanova since I stopped seeing him and they all agree - THEY are the one he REALLY cares about, the others don't mean ANYTHING.
On one night I ran into him out with a female friend of mine I knew he was sleeping with. Lets call her Woman A. I asked how they were getting on and his reply? "I'm not with her! What has she told you?"
Me: "Well, that you are sleeping together"
Casanova: "Well, yeah. But I'm not WITH her, I'm with Woman B!"
I was pretty offended on my friend's behalf to find that he would say this when they were clearly out together and later I discussed it with her.
"Oh, that's not the half of it." She tells me. "He went home with Woman C that night."
The sad part? Women A, B and C and many, many more will keep sleeping with Casanova because he tells them up front that it is not a relationship, and so they can't really expect him to be faithful to them. Personally, I don't need to be in a relationship to require basic levels of respect from a man. And by the way if you are the one he REALLY cares about...then why isn't he caring about you?
As for the poor woman he has actually named as his "girlfriend". Honey, expect an on again, off again thing. Because Casanova Tom Cat will not be able to keep it in his pants, never has, never will, and sadly, there are just too many ladies out there that will go behind your back because they can.
It's true, some of the local men tried to warn me, but sadly, it was the very same men who were hitting on me and failing so how could I believe them? Especially when he swore blind he was not like that (and who wants to believe negative things about someone who is good in bed? Really?)
And as he said - he REALLY liked me, REALLY...he just didn't feel comfortable with public displays of affection (around other women he might want to sleep with) or being in phone contact during the week, after all he was a busy, busy man (busy with other women) and he didn't feel right putting a name on it like girlfriend / boyfriend, we were just getting to know each other, but he wasn't sleeping "with any other woman" (Nope, he was sleeping with many other WOMEN). Turn up somewhere just because he said he would see me there? That was asking a bit much wasn't it? Turning up with another woman to a date? Why not? After all, we weren't a COUPLE. Besides, he hadn't chosen her over me. Yeah, she was his GIRLFRIEND, but that didn't mean he preferred her to me...or any of the others...
Starting to get the picture? Time to go on The Bus, sunshine. And any ladies considering moving to Daylesford, please PM me for your own personal "public toilet" warning.
The follow up?
I have spoken with numerous women who have slept with / are sleeping with Casanova since I stopped seeing him and they all agree - THEY are the one he REALLY cares about, the others don't mean ANYTHING.
On one night I ran into him out with a female friend of mine I knew he was sleeping with. Lets call her Woman A. I asked how they were getting on and his reply? "I'm not with her! What has she told you?"
Me: "Well, that you are sleeping together"
Casanova: "Well, yeah. But I'm not WITH her, I'm with Woman B!"
I was pretty offended on my friend's behalf to find that he would say this when they were clearly out together and later I discussed it with her.
"Oh, that's not the half of it." She tells me. "He went home with Woman C that night."
The sad part? Women A, B and C and many, many more will keep sleeping with Casanova because he tells them up front that it is not a relationship, and so they can't really expect him to be faithful to them. Personally, I don't need to be in a relationship to require basic levels of respect from a man. And by the way if you are the one he REALLY cares about...then why isn't he caring about you?
As for the poor woman he has actually named as his "girlfriend". Honey, expect an on again, off again thing. Because Casanova Tom Cat will not be able to keep it in his pants, never has, never will, and sadly, there are just too many ladies out there that will go behind your back because they can.
Sunday, 26 June 2011
Passenger Eight - Jesus Freak
This one is not technically a passenger as he is not an ex-boyfriend, but an ex-best friend. However, sometimes we need a reminder that a best friend should not be allowed back in our lives either, especially if they are a best friend who was worse than your worst enemy.
I met Passenger Eight shortly after my break up with Passenger Seven and was looking for companionship while I got used to the whole single parent thing. He was interesting and fun to hang around with, even if he did get a bit over involved in his religion and start thinking he was Jesus if he was drunk. Who am I to judge? He may well have been Jesus, just a really drunk one with a child out of wedlock and a problem with pathalogical lying...hmmm...perhaps NOT Jesus then? Especially as if he WERE Jesus, he would not have had to "borrow" money from me to buy beer because he could have turned his water into wine! (By "borrow" I mean claim to borrow and then never ever pay back)
The religious thing didn't really bother me, I'm fairly religious myself and I don't have a problem with people educating me about their religion. I do, however, have issues with people who think they are the Messiah because he's NOT the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.
I began to suspect our friendship was less a friendship and more having a leech attached when
a. he asked to "borrow" money every time I saw him
b. money mysteriously disappeared from my purse at his house
c. he "borrowed" some DVDs and CDs (6 months later I got a muscular male friend to go and get them back for me)
d. he got into my bank account and cleaned it out
e. he "borrowed" my car to go pick up his pay to pay me back and didn't come back with said car until I threatened to call the police. (The so-called pay was nowhere in evidence on his return) - same day as d.
f. he called me at 3am, drunk, to ask if he could borrow the car again
Unfortunately, if you throw salt on this kind of leech they don't shrivel up and drop off - I know, I tried (I didn't really try this, though I did drench him with a hose once and found that effective at getting him out of my car). I found another method for leech removal though. I moved house (was doing this anyway) and didn't tell him my new address. And when he kindly rang me at 7am and didn't say anything, just played music at me, then came up to me in the street and told me it was him, I changed my phone number and made sure it was unlisted.
No more leech problem!
Interestingly, about 6 months after having no contact at all and avoiding him at all costs, he saw me down the street and came over to ask if I wanted to catch up for coffee. Which just goes to show you that some people CAN NOT TAKE A HINT. (Sorry Buddy, you are on The Bus and there will be no resurrection).
I met Passenger Eight shortly after my break up with Passenger Seven and was looking for companionship while I got used to the whole single parent thing. He was interesting and fun to hang around with, even if he did get a bit over involved in his religion and start thinking he was Jesus if he was drunk. Who am I to judge? He may well have been Jesus, just a really drunk one with a child out of wedlock and a problem with pathalogical lying...hmmm...perhaps NOT Jesus then? Especially as if he WERE Jesus, he would not have had to "borrow" money from me to buy beer because he could have turned his water into wine! (By "borrow" I mean claim to borrow and then never ever pay back)
The religious thing didn't really bother me, I'm fairly religious myself and I don't have a problem with people educating me about their religion. I do, however, have issues with people who think they are the Messiah because he's NOT the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.
I began to suspect our friendship was less a friendship and more having a leech attached when
a. he asked to "borrow" money every time I saw him
b. money mysteriously disappeared from my purse at his house
c. he "borrowed" some DVDs and CDs (6 months later I got a muscular male friend to go and get them back for me)
d. he got into my bank account and cleaned it out
e. he "borrowed" my car to go pick up his pay to pay me back and didn't come back with said car until I threatened to call the police. (The so-called pay was nowhere in evidence on his return) - same day as d.
f. he called me at 3am, drunk, to ask if he could borrow the car again
Unfortunately, if you throw salt on this kind of leech they don't shrivel up and drop off - I know, I tried (I didn't really try this, though I did drench him with a hose once and found that effective at getting him out of my car). I found another method for leech removal though. I moved house (was doing this anyway) and didn't tell him my new address. And when he kindly rang me at 7am and didn't say anything, just played music at me, then came up to me in the street and told me it was him, I changed my phone number and made sure it was unlisted.
No more leech problem!
Interestingly, about 6 months after having no contact at all and avoiding him at all costs, he saw me down the street and came over to ask if I wanted to catch up for coffee. Which just goes to show you that some people CAN NOT TAKE A HINT. (Sorry Buddy, you are on The Bus and there will be no resurrection).
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Passenger Seven - Baby Daddy
Passenger Seven is the father of my beautiful daughter. No matter what he has done or what I have done he has given me the greatest gift one person can give another. He may be on The Bus (there is no way we are getting back together) but he will forever be a part of my life and that is no bad thing. He loves our girl as much as I do and works hard to be the best parent he can be. It's all you can ask of anyone when you share the parenting of a child. I wish him the best of luck.
This is likely the only positive post you will see on this blog.
Respect to the Baby Daddy.
This is likely the only positive post you will see on this blog.
Respect to the Baby Daddy.
Passenger Six - Import / Export
Never one to let history teach me anything I decided to get over the debacle of Passenger Five by finding the next Passenger in line. This time, noting that several of my priors were people I had known from childhood, I decided to look farther afield towards a man who I would not have to see again if it all went pear shaped. And so we say "Goodbye pubs, clubs and family gatherings" and "Hello Internet dating".
Passenger Six was an old fashioned English ex-punk with an ex-criminal record and an ex-Australian girlfriend (an ex-girlfriend who was Australian, not a girlfriend who was an ex-Australian). We exchanged photographs, we chatted for hours. I was actually pleased to meet someone who I had no physical contact with and was forced to get to know, and who had to get to know me. We webcammed (a pre-Skype world) so we could see if the photos were legit - so far, so good. He was coming over for a holiday, we decided to meet up and see how things went.
First stumbling block actually came when he rang me so we could chat about the upcoming visit. I had never heard his voice before (pre-Skype remember) and I couldn't understand anything he was saying. A heavy Northern English accent is NOTHING like a London accent. I spent most of my time saying "Huh? Wha? Repeat that please?" I am proud to say that by the time we met in person I was able to interpret most of what he said for my friends - Northern English as a second language :)
The next stumbling block was that despite pictures and webcam he did not look exactly like the guy on the computer. I was a bit startled to find that he was 6' 4" and that his years of fake tanning and gym workouts had left him looking a little...leathery... Still, I am not one to let appearances deter me overmuch and we got on extremely well. He definitely got plus points for taking me to karaoke (this is not the plus points bit) and singing Robbie William's song Angel so brilliantly he suddenly had groupies (this is the plus points bit).
The final stumbling block was that his visit was to include a stop over at his ex-Australian girlfriend's house to collect belongings and finalise the break up. By this point (as you can imagine) I was a little wary of this kind of holiday, so he reassured me of his intention to return by leaving some of his stuff at my house and promising to be back to collect it as soon as the nightmare visit to the ex was over.
Fast forward a couple of days and...yeah, you saw this coming didn't you?...I get a message saying he "accidentally slept with his ex and wasn't sure which of us he wanted to be with". Fed up with the whole thing I told him he didn't have a choice. He could stay with the ex or be with no-one, I was no longer available (Straight to The Bus, Sunshine). He waited a little while then messaged to say he didn't want to be with either of us, then a day or so later changed his profile pic on facebook to include a picture of the two of them together. Nice one.
So what happened next? (Aside from me becoming very fed up with men?) Mr Ex-lover relocated to Australia and moved in with the previous ex. I would love to say they lived happily ever after (ha! no I wouldn't) but there is a reason they had broken up the last time - she cheated on him (some may say just desserts) and, surprisingly enough, you know what happened? She cheated on him again. Should have stayed on The Bus, shouldn't she? Just saying...
And Mr Ex-lover's stuff? Mostly DVDs, which I happily added to the collection left by Mr Married Cheating Bastard. At least they are entertaining.
Passenger Six was an old fashioned English ex-punk with an ex-criminal record and an ex-Australian girlfriend (an ex-girlfriend who was Australian, not a girlfriend who was an ex-Australian). We exchanged photographs, we chatted for hours. I was actually pleased to meet someone who I had no physical contact with and was forced to get to know, and who had to get to know me. We webcammed (a pre-Skype world) so we could see if the photos were legit - so far, so good. He was coming over for a holiday, we decided to meet up and see how things went.
First stumbling block actually came when he rang me so we could chat about the upcoming visit. I had never heard his voice before (pre-Skype remember) and I couldn't understand anything he was saying. A heavy Northern English accent is NOTHING like a London accent. I spent most of my time saying "Huh? Wha? Repeat that please?" I am proud to say that by the time we met in person I was able to interpret most of what he said for my friends - Northern English as a second language :)
The next stumbling block was that despite pictures and webcam he did not look exactly like the guy on the computer. I was a bit startled to find that he was 6' 4" and that his years of fake tanning and gym workouts had left him looking a little...leathery... Still, I am not one to let appearances deter me overmuch and we got on extremely well. He definitely got plus points for taking me to karaoke (this is not the plus points bit) and singing Robbie William's song Angel so brilliantly he suddenly had groupies (this is the plus points bit).
The final stumbling block was that his visit was to include a stop over at his ex-Australian girlfriend's house to collect belongings and finalise the break up. By this point (as you can imagine) I was a little wary of this kind of holiday, so he reassured me of his intention to return by leaving some of his stuff at my house and promising to be back to collect it as soon as the nightmare visit to the ex was over.
Fast forward a couple of days and...yeah, you saw this coming didn't you?...I get a message saying he "accidentally slept with his ex and wasn't sure which of us he wanted to be with". Fed up with the whole thing I told him he didn't have a choice. He could stay with the ex or be with no-one, I was no longer available (Straight to The Bus, Sunshine). He waited a little while then messaged to say he didn't want to be with either of us, then a day or so later changed his profile pic on facebook to include a picture of the two of them together. Nice one.
So what happened next? (Aside from me becoming very fed up with men?) Mr Ex-lover relocated to Australia and moved in with the previous ex. I would love to say they lived happily ever after (ha! no I wouldn't) but there is a reason they had broken up the last time - she cheated on him (some may say just desserts) and, surprisingly enough, you know what happened? She cheated on him again. Should have stayed on The Bus, shouldn't she? Just saying...
And Mr Ex-lover's stuff? Mostly DVDs, which I happily added to the collection left by Mr Married Cheating Bastard. At least they are entertaining.
Sunday, 5 June 2011
Passenger Five - You won't believe this one
This is the Passenger that makes people think I am making up my Passengers. I'm not though. He is 100% real and 100% really this much of a dick.
Passenger Five I had known since we were in Primary School together. We grew up together. He had a crush on me since he was about 8 years old. We had not seen each other in years and obviously had grown up considerably in the mean time. As a friend of my little brother this guy had not been a blip on my radar when we were children, as an adult things were a little different.
I invited him over to catch up and reminisce about old times. I told him I was single, he told me he was single. I told him I was getting divorced, he told me he had been seeing someone but they had not seen each other for about 3 months. Ok, so both single and interested. We began seeing each other - dinner, phone calls, texting, movie nights, it was fun. He was gentlemanly, he was understanding, he was polite, I knew and was friends with his parents - an excellent combination, no? No.
This Passenger taught me an important lesson. No matter how great a guy seems if he tells you he is an arsehole BELIEVE HIM. It is not modesty, it is not fishing for compliments, it is HONESTY. RUN FROM HIM, DO IT NOW.
Passenger Five started talking about a holiday he was taking to the Phillipines. He then started talking about the woman he was going to be seeing when he was there. He then mentioned that they had not seen each other in 3 months because she lived in the Phillipines...re-read that earlier paragraph, the one about being single...uh huh, you guessed it. Not so much hadn't seen her for 3 months as hadn't SEEN her for 3 months. He then started telling me that they had talked about marriage, but he liked me and had done for so long and...hmmm...decisions to make about what to do, and he had to go see her and talk and decide.
You think you know what happens now, but it's worse than that, it really is. You see, he went on the holiday as Mr Cheating Bastard and came back as Mr Married Cheating Bastard. Let me just say that again, he went away on holiday and GOT MARRIED WHILE HE WAS THERE.
Not only did he do this, he didn't tell me when he got home, I found out through a happy (ignorant of recent developments) family member who called up and said "Hey! Did you hear little dude you grew up with got married on his holiday? So romantic!"
This story gets better, seriously. I happened to be shopping in a store where he worked and he came over to talk to me. I say "So, I hear you got married. Thought I'd stop in and buy you a toaster." He said "Yeah, I wasn't sure if I should, but I asked my Mum and SHE DIDN'T TELL ME NOT TO" (My caps) Is this the best reason you have ever heard of for getting married or what?
And now for the "what happened next" portion of the story.
1. He didn't tell the people he worked with he was married. Why not? Hmmm...
2. She needed money for her sick father and had to stay in the Phillipines to look after him
3. She NEVER came to Australia to be with her new husband...awwww....poor Mr Married Cheating Bastard
4. He DARED to contact me and suggest we get together again (sorry Buddy you are on The Bus and The Bus disintegrated in your section and then all my friends reconstructed it and we disintegrated it again with our mentally projected hatred of you).
5. I kept all the DVDs he left at my house and I enjoyed watching them and I still do, and when I do I laugh at how his wife NEVER came to Australia.
Bitter and twisted? No. Satisfied that he got what he deserved? Hell Yeah!
Passenger Five I had known since we were in Primary School together. We grew up together. He had a crush on me since he was about 8 years old. We had not seen each other in years and obviously had grown up considerably in the mean time. As a friend of my little brother this guy had not been a blip on my radar when we were children, as an adult things were a little different.
I invited him over to catch up and reminisce about old times. I told him I was single, he told me he was single. I told him I was getting divorced, he told me he had been seeing someone but they had not seen each other for about 3 months. Ok, so both single and interested. We began seeing each other - dinner, phone calls, texting, movie nights, it was fun. He was gentlemanly, he was understanding, he was polite, I knew and was friends with his parents - an excellent combination, no? No.
This Passenger taught me an important lesson. No matter how great a guy seems if he tells you he is an arsehole BELIEVE HIM. It is not modesty, it is not fishing for compliments, it is HONESTY. RUN FROM HIM, DO IT NOW.
Passenger Five started talking about a holiday he was taking to the Phillipines. He then started talking about the woman he was going to be seeing when he was there. He then mentioned that they had not seen each other in 3 months because she lived in the Phillipines...re-read that earlier paragraph, the one about being single...uh huh, you guessed it. Not so much hadn't seen her for 3 months as hadn't SEEN her for 3 months. He then started telling me that they had talked about marriage, but he liked me and had done for so long and...hmmm...decisions to make about what to do, and he had to go see her and talk and decide.
You think you know what happens now, but it's worse than that, it really is. You see, he went on the holiday as Mr Cheating Bastard and came back as Mr Married Cheating Bastard. Let me just say that again, he went away on holiday and GOT MARRIED WHILE HE WAS THERE.
Not only did he do this, he didn't tell me when he got home, I found out through a happy (ignorant of recent developments) family member who called up and said "Hey! Did you hear little dude you grew up with got married on his holiday? So romantic!"
This story gets better, seriously. I happened to be shopping in a store where he worked and he came over to talk to me. I say "So, I hear you got married. Thought I'd stop in and buy you a toaster." He said "Yeah, I wasn't sure if I should, but I asked my Mum and SHE DIDN'T TELL ME NOT TO" (My caps) Is this the best reason you have ever heard of for getting married or what?
And now for the "what happened next" portion of the story.
1. He didn't tell the people he worked with he was married. Why not? Hmmm...
2. She needed money for her sick father and had to stay in the Phillipines to look after him
3. She NEVER came to Australia to be with her new husband...awwww....poor Mr Married Cheating Bastard
4. He DARED to contact me and suggest we get together again (sorry Buddy you are on The Bus and The Bus disintegrated in your section and then all my friends reconstructed it and we disintegrated it again with our mentally projected hatred of you).
5. I kept all the DVDs he left at my house and I enjoyed watching them and I still do, and when I do I laugh at how his wife NEVER came to Australia.
Bitter and twisted? No. Satisfied that he got what he deserved? Hell Yeah!
Saturday, 21 May 2011
Passenger Four
I met Passenger Four in a bar. I was hiding from / ignoring Passenger Three at the time who was, as you may recall, showing off his new girlfriend's hotness to all of his / our friends. I felt the best option was to find someone new to talk to and, being the bold and slightly drunk type I crashed a conversation amongst three people I didn't know at all. Passenger Four and I hit it off straight away - there was witty banter, there was sexual attraction, there was a meeting of the minds, there was sexual attraction...
Think Bruce Willis in...well pretty much every movie, the broody, witty, slightly alcoholic tough guy. He even looked a bit like Bruce Willis, and I was not complaining. We immediately started spending all kinds of time together, and texting each other constantly and being generally lovey and obnoxious. A few clues that this was not necessarily how it would always be included the following
1. Him telling me that he sometimes liked to disappear for a week and not be in contact with anyone
2. Him having numerous children with numerous women at least one of whom refused to acknowledge that he WAS the father as she was with someone else.
3. Him telling me he broke up with four (count them FOUR) other women to focus on just me
4. He had a woman that rang him to obsess over him and he once held the phone to my ear so I could hear her and laughed at her behind her back.
5. The fact that he was a drug and alcohol rehab counsellor with a pot habit and a drinking problem.
However, at first blush everything seemed wonderful...until...I would ring and he would hang up his mobile without answering, he would ask me out for drinks and then not show up or answer his phone when I called to find out where he was, and generally he went from Mr Attentive to Mr Absent. Combine this with my sister starting a new relationship with someone who wanted to be with her ALL THE TIME and love her and adore her and tell her she was wonderful ALL THE TIME and the inevitable comparison between the two relationships and I started to get a little cranky with Mr Absent.
Mr Absent decided that he just couldn't handle being attentive to just one woman and decided to break it off. Not being of a mentally well pursuasion at the time that didn't go well for me...I got the paranoids and kept suspecting that when we spoke he was letting other women listen in so they could laugh at me (could you blame me? It's not like I was inventing that behaviour on his part). Sadly, we shared the same local, and so the atmosphere became a little strained as I acted like a slightly crazy person (ok like a completely crazy person...my sister and I even threw strawberries from our champagne glasses at him across the bar) and he acted like the man he was...someone who was into everyone and no one at the same time.
Interestingly, it was on one of these crazy nights shortly after the break up that I met Passenger Seven (not a typo) who asked me to come home with him and was turned down flat.
And the 'what happened next?' portion of the blog? Well...Mr Absent decided he WAS ready to be a boyfriend but (presumably) not with someone who expected him to be available on her terms. He made the mistake of insulting me in front of my sister, which resulted in the most hilarious showdown of all time as she abused him roundly, grabbed his mobile phone off him when he tried to use it while she was yelling at him and frightened every man in the bar in the process. He later apologised to us both for his behaviour on that night and walked away from us with a wary eye on my sister in case she came at him again.
Last I heard he was still a local at the same bar.
Think Bruce Willis in...well pretty much every movie, the broody, witty, slightly alcoholic tough guy. He even looked a bit like Bruce Willis, and I was not complaining. We immediately started spending all kinds of time together, and texting each other constantly and being generally lovey and obnoxious. A few clues that this was not necessarily how it would always be included the following
1. Him telling me that he sometimes liked to disappear for a week and not be in contact with anyone
2. Him having numerous children with numerous women at least one of whom refused to acknowledge that he WAS the father as she was with someone else.
3. Him telling me he broke up with four (count them FOUR) other women to focus on just me
4. He had a woman that rang him to obsess over him and he once held the phone to my ear so I could hear her and laughed at her behind her back.
5. The fact that he was a drug and alcohol rehab counsellor with a pot habit and a drinking problem.
However, at first blush everything seemed wonderful...until...I would ring and he would hang up his mobile without answering, he would ask me out for drinks and then not show up or answer his phone when I called to find out where he was, and generally he went from Mr Attentive to Mr Absent. Combine this with my sister starting a new relationship with someone who wanted to be with her ALL THE TIME and love her and adore her and tell her she was wonderful ALL THE TIME and the inevitable comparison between the two relationships and I started to get a little cranky with Mr Absent.
Mr Absent decided that he just couldn't handle being attentive to just one woman and decided to break it off. Not being of a mentally well pursuasion at the time that didn't go well for me...I got the paranoids and kept suspecting that when we spoke he was letting other women listen in so they could laugh at me (could you blame me? It's not like I was inventing that behaviour on his part). Sadly, we shared the same local, and so the atmosphere became a little strained as I acted like a slightly crazy person (ok like a completely crazy person...my sister and I even threw strawberries from our champagne glasses at him across the bar) and he acted like the man he was...someone who was into everyone and no one at the same time.
Interestingly, it was on one of these crazy nights shortly after the break up that I met Passenger Seven (not a typo) who asked me to come home with him and was turned down flat.
And the 'what happened next?' portion of the blog? Well...Mr Absent decided he WAS ready to be a boyfriend but (presumably) not with someone who expected him to be available on her terms. He made the mistake of insulting me in front of my sister, which resulted in the most hilarious showdown of all time as she abused him roundly, grabbed his mobile phone off him when he tried to use it while she was yelling at him and frightened every man in the bar in the process. He later apologised to us both for his behaviour on that night and walked away from us with a wary eye on my sister in case she came at him again.
Last I heard he was still a local at the same bar.
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