This one is not technically a passenger as he is not an ex-boyfriend, but an ex-best friend. However, sometimes we need a reminder that a best friend should not be allowed back in our lives either, especially if they are a best friend who was worse than your worst enemy.
I met Passenger Eight shortly after my break up with Passenger Seven and was looking for companionship while I got used to the whole single parent thing. He was interesting and fun to hang around with, even if he did get a bit over involved in his religion and start thinking he was Jesus if he was drunk. Who am I to judge? He may well have been Jesus, just a really drunk one with a child out of wedlock and a problem with pathalogical lying...hmmm...perhaps NOT Jesus then? Especially as if he WERE Jesus, he would not have had to "borrow" money from me to buy beer because he could have turned his water into wine! (By "borrow" I mean claim to borrow and then never ever pay back)
The religious thing didn't really bother me, I'm fairly religious myself and I don't have a problem with people educating me about their religion. I do, however, have issues with people who think they are the Messiah because he's NOT the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.
I began to suspect our friendship was less a friendship and more having a leech attached when
a. he asked to "borrow" money every time I saw him
b. money mysteriously disappeared from my purse at his house
c. he "borrowed" some DVDs and CDs (6 months later I got a muscular male friend to go and get them back for me)
d. he got into my bank account and cleaned it out
e. he "borrowed" my car to go pick up his pay to pay me back and didn't come back with said car until I threatened to call the police. (The so-called pay was nowhere in evidence on his return) - same day as d.
f. he called me at 3am, drunk, to ask if he could borrow the car again
Unfortunately, if you throw salt on this kind of leech they don't shrivel up and drop off - I know, I tried (I didn't really try this, though I did drench him with a hose once and found that effective at getting him out of my car). I found another method for leech removal though. I moved house (was doing this anyway) and didn't tell him my new address. And when he kindly rang me at 7am and didn't say anything, just played music at me, then came up to me in the street and told me it was him, I changed my phone number and made sure it was unlisted.
No more leech problem!
Interestingly, about 6 months after having no contact at all and avoiding him at all costs, he saw me down the street and came over to ask if I wanted to catch up for coffee. Which just goes to show you that some people CAN NOT TAKE A HINT. (Sorry Buddy, you are on The Bus and there will be no resurrection).
Sunday, 26 June 2011
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Passenger Seven - Baby Daddy
Passenger Seven is the father of my beautiful daughter. No matter what he has done or what I have done he has given me the greatest gift one person can give another. He may be on The Bus (there is no way we are getting back together) but he will forever be a part of my life and that is no bad thing. He loves our girl as much as I do and works hard to be the best parent he can be. It's all you can ask of anyone when you share the parenting of a child. I wish him the best of luck.
This is likely the only positive post you will see on this blog.
Respect to the Baby Daddy.
This is likely the only positive post you will see on this blog.
Respect to the Baby Daddy.
Passenger Six - Import / Export
Never one to let history teach me anything I decided to get over the debacle of Passenger Five by finding the next Passenger in line. This time, noting that several of my priors were people I had known from childhood, I decided to look farther afield towards a man who I would not have to see again if it all went pear shaped. And so we say "Goodbye pubs, clubs and family gatherings" and "Hello Internet dating".
Passenger Six was an old fashioned English ex-punk with an ex-criminal record and an ex-Australian girlfriend (an ex-girlfriend who was Australian, not a girlfriend who was an ex-Australian). We exchanged photographs, we chatted for hours. I was actually pleased to meet someone who I had no physical contact with and was forced to get to know, and who had to get to know me. We webcammed (a pre-Skype world) so we could see if the photos were legit - so far, so good. He was coming over for a holiday, we decided to meet up and see how things went.
First stumbling block actually came when he rang me so we could chat about the upcoming visit. I had never heard his voice before (pre-Skype remember) and I couldn't understand anything he was saying. A heavy Northern English accent is NOTHING like a London accent. I spent most of my time saying "Huh? Wha? Repeat that please?" I am proud to say that by the time we met in person I was able to interpret most of what he said for my friends - Northern English as a second language :)
The next stumbling block was that despite pictures and webcam he did not look exactly like the guy on the computer. I was a bit startled to find that he was 6' 4" and that his years of fake tanning and gym workouts had left him looking a little...leathery... Still, I am not one to let appearances deter me overmuch and we got on extremely well. He definitely got plus points for taking me to karaoke (this is not the plus points bit) and singing Robbie William's song Angel so brilliantly he suddenly had groupies (this is the plus points bit).
The final stumbling block was that his visit was to include a stop over at his ex-Australian girlfriend's house to collect belongings and finalise the break up. By this point (as you can imagine) I was a little wary of this kind of holiday, so he reassured me of his intention to return by leaving some of his stuff at my house and promising to be back to collect it as soon as the nightmare visit to the ex was over.
Fast forward a couple of days and...yeah, you saw this coming didn't you?...I get a message saying he "accidentally slept with his ex and wasn't sure which of us he wanted to be with". Fed up with the whole thing I told him he didn't have a choice. He could stay with the ex or be with no-one, I was no longer available (Straight to The Bus, Sunshine). He waited a little while then messaged to say he didn't want to be with either of us, then a day or so later changed his profile pic on facebook to include a picture of the two of them together. Nice one.
So what happened next? (Aside from me becoming very fed up with men?) Mr Ex-lover relocated to Australia and moved in with the previous ex. I would love to say they lived happily ever after (ha! no I wouldn't) but there is a reason they had broken up the last time - she cheated on him (some may say just desserts) and, surprisingly enough, you know what happened? She cheated on him again. Should have stayed on The Bus, shouldn't she? Just saying...
And Mr Ex-lover's stuff? Mostly DVDs, which I happily added to the collection left by Mr Married Cheating Bastard. At least they are entertaining.
Passenger Six was an old fashioned English ex-punk with an ex-criminal record and an ex-Australian girlfriend (an ex-girlfriend who was Australian, not a girlfriend who was an ex-Australian). We exchanged photographs, we chatted for hours. I was actually pleased to meet someone who I had no physical contact with and was forced to get to know, and who had to get to know me. We webcammed (a pre-Skype world) so we could see if the photos were legit - so far, so good. He was coming over for a holiday, we decided to meet up and see how things went.
First stumbling block actually came when he rang me so we could chat about the upcoming visit. I had never heard his voice before (pre-Skype remember) and I couldn't understand anything he was saying. A heavy Northern English accent is NOTHING like a London accent. I spent most of my time saying "Huh? Wha? Repeat that please?" I am proud to say that by the time we met in person I was able to interpret most of what he said for my friends - Northern English as a second language :)
The next stumbling block was that despite pictures and webcam he did not look exactly like the guy on the computer. I was a bit startled to find that he was 6' 4" and that his years of fake tanning and gym workouts had left him looking a little...leathery... Still, I am not one to let appearances deter me overmuch and we got on extremely well. He definitely got plus points for taking me to karaoke (this is not the plus points bit) and singing Robbie William's song Angel so brilliantly he suddenly had groupies (this is the plus points bit).
The final stumbling block was that his visit was to include a stop over at his ex-Australian girlfriend's house to collect belongings and finalise the break up. By this point (as you can imagine) I was a little wary of this kind of holiday, so he reassured me of his intention to return by leaving some of his stuff at my house and promising to be back to collect it as soon as the nightmare visit to the ex was over.
Fast forward a couple of days and...yeah, you saw this coming didn't you?...I get a message saying he "accidentally slept with his ex and wasn't sure which of us he wanted to be with". Fed up with the whole thing I told him he didn't have a choice. He could stay with the ex or be with no-one, I was no longer available (Straight to The Bus, Sunshine). He waited a little while then messaged to say he didn't want to be with either of us, then a day or so later changed his profile pic on facebook to include a picture of the two of them together. Nice one.
So what happened next? (Aside from me becoming very fed up with men?) Mr Ex-lover relocated to Australia and moved in with the previous ex. I would love to say they lived happily ever after (ha! no I wouldn't) but there is a reason they had broken up the last time - she cheated on him (some may say just desserts) and, surprisingly enough, you know what happened? She cheated on him again. Should have stayed on The Bus, shouldn't she? Just saying...
And Mr Ex-lover's stuff? Mostly DVDs, which I happily added to the collection left by Mr Married Cheating Bastard. At least they are entertaining.
Sunday, 5 June 2011
Passenger Five - You won't believe this one
This is the Passenger that makes people think I am making up my Passengers. I'm not though. He is 100% real and 100% really this much of a dick.
Passenger Five I had known since we were in Primary School together. We grew up together. He had a crush on me since he was about 8 years old. We had not seen each other in years and obviously had grown up considerably in the mean time. As a friend of my little brother this guy had not been a blip on my radar when we were children, as an adult things were a little different.
I invited him over to catch up and reminisce about old times. I told him I was single, he told me he was single. I told him I was getting divorced, he told me he had been seeing someone but they had not seen each other for about 3 months. Ok, so both single and interested. We began seeing each other - dinner, phone calls, texting, movie nights, it was fun. He was gentlemanly, he was understanding, he was polite, I knew and was friends with his parents - an excellent combination, no? No.
This Passenger taught me an important lesson. No matter how great a guy seems if he tells you he is an arsehole BELIEVE HIM. It is not modesty, it is not fishing for compliments, it is HONESTY. RUN FROM HIM, DO IT NOW.
Passenger Five started talking about a holiday he was taking to the Phillipines. He then started talking about the woman he was going to be seeing when he was there. He then mentioned that they had not seen each other in 3 months because she lived in the Phillipines...re-read that earlier paragraph, the one about being single...uh huh, you guessed it. Not so much hadn't seen her for 3 months as hadn't SEEN her for 3 months. He then started telling me that they had talked about marriage, but he liked me and had done for so long and...hmmm...decisions to make about what to do, and he had to go see her and talk and decide.
You think you know what happens now, but it's worse than that, it really is. You see, he went on the holiday as Mr Cheating Bastard and came back as Mr Married Cheating Bastard. Let me just say that again, he went away on holiday and GOT MARRIED WHILE HE WAS THERE.
Not only did he do this, he didn't tell me when he got home, I found out through a happy (ignorant of recent developments) family member who called up and said "Hey! Did you hear little dude you grew up with got married on his holiday? So romantic!"
This story gets better, seriously. I happened to be shopping in a store where he worked and he came over to talk to me. I say "So, I hear you got married. Thought I'd stop in and buy you a toaster." He said "Yeah, I wasn't sure if I should, but I asked my Mum and SHE DIDN'T TELL ME NOT TO" (My caps) Is this the best reason you have ever heard of for getting married or what?
And now for the "what happened next" portion of the story.
1. He didn't tell the people he worked with he was married. Why not? Hmmm...
2. She needed money for her sick father and had to stay in the Phillipines to look after him
3. She NEVER came to Australia to be with her new husband...awwww....poor Mr Married Cheating Bastard
4. He DARED to contact me and suggest we get together again (sorry Buddy you are on The Bus and The Bus disintegrated in your section and then all my friends reconstructed it and we disintegrated it again with our mentally projected hatred of you).
5. I kept all the DVDs he left at my house and I enjoyed watching them and I still do, and when I do I laugh at how his wife NEVER came to Australia.
Bitter and twisted? No. Satisfied that he got what he deserved? Hell Yeah!
Passenger Five I had known since we were in Primary School together. We grew up together. He had a crush on me since he was about 8 years old. We had not seen each other in years and obviously had grown up considerably in the mean time. As a friend of my little brother this guy had not been a blip on my radar when we were children, as an adult things were a little different.
I invited him over to catch up and reminisce about old times. I told him I was single, he told me he was single. I told him I was getting divorced, he told me he had been seeing someone but they had not seen each other for about 3 months. Ok, so both single and interested. We began seeing each other - dinner, phone calls, texting, movie nights, it was fun. He was gentlemanly, he was understanding, he was polite, I knew and was friends with his parents - an excellent combination, no? No.
This Passenger taught me an important lesson. No matter how great a guy seems if he tells you he is an arsehole BELIEVE HIM. It is not modesty, it is not fishing for compliments, it is HONESTY. RUN FROM HIM, DO IT NOW.
Passenger Five started talking about a holiday he was taking to the Phillipines. He then started talking about the woman he was going to be seeing when he was there. He then mentioned that they had not seen each other in 3 months because she lived in the Phillipines...re-read that earlier paragraph, the one about being single...uh huh, you guessed it. Not so much hadn't seen her for 3 months as hadn't SEEN her for 3 months. He then started telling me that they had talked about marriage, but he liked me and had done for so long and...hmmm...decisions to make about what to do, and he had to go see her and talk and decide.
You think you know what happens now, but it's worse than that, it really is. You see, he went on the holiday as Mr Cheating Bastard and came back as Mr Married Cheating Bastard. Let me just say that again, he went away on holiday and GOT MARRIED WHILE HE WAS THERE.
Not only did he do this, he didn't tell me when he got home, I found out through a happy (ignorant of recent developments) family member who called up and said "Hey! Did you hear little dude you grew up with got married on his holiday? So romantic!"
This story gets better, seriously. I happened to be shopping in a store where he worked and he came over to talk to me. I say "So, I hear you got married. Thought I'd stop in and buy you a toaster." He said "Yeah, I wasn't sure if I should, but I asked my Mum and SHE DIDN'T TELL ME NOT TO" (My caps) Is this the best reason you have ever heard of for getting married or what?
And now for the "what happened next" portion of the story.
1. He didn't tell the people he worked with he was married. Why not? Hmmm...
2. She needed money for her sick father and had to stay in the Phillipines to look after him
3. She NEVER came to Australia to be with her new husband...awwww....poor Mr Married Cheating Bastard
4. He DARED to contact me and suggest we get together again (sorry Buddy you are on The Bus and The Bus disintegrated in your section and then all my friends reconstructed it and we disintegrated it again with our mentally projected hatred of you).
5. I kept all the DVDs he left at my house and I enjoyed watching them and I still do, and when I do I laugh at how his wife NEVER came to Australia.
Bitter and twisted? No. Satisfied that he got what he deserved? Hell Yeah!
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